You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
