I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
