Define "chronic" masturbator.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
one might say we're banned from that church
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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