My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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