if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
