Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
