I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
