just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize