I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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