the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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