That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
