I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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