I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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