you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
