Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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