one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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