The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's blow job season.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
