What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
