id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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