TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
