my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
