why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
