I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
