So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize