Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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