my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
