I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
