O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
