My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
