Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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