How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
