I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
