Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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