your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
