yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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