i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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