what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
