does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Houston, we have a squirter
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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