"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
