I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize