Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
