I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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