he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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