Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
