This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
