i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
