bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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