Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize