Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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