Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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