Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
