You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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