Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
