So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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