I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
