just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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