WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
