I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
