this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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