My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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