GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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