You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
