I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
