you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
then he tried to convert me to islam
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
