I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
