there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
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